I've been having these weirds thoughts lately.

"Regardless of warnings, the future doesn't scare me at all."

I used to feel like I could face anything. I felt like I was journeying down a sunlit path, skipping along and seeing the sights on my way; just enjoying everything.

Now... I feel like I'm walking into a cold, dark fog. I'm barefoot and the road is gravel; it hurts and I don't want to move forward anymore.

College is coming up so fast and while there are a lot of exciting things, as I walked through my house tonight with my usual mug of green tea... I realized just how long it's going to be before I take nightly walks down the stairs, through the dining room, to the kitchen... stand on my tiptoes to reach the far left cabinet, pull out a mug, fill it and reach in the cabinets above the microwave for a tea bag... the whole shebang.

Driving to Taco Bell the other night, I began to cry. I thought of how soon I'll be driving down streets I don't know, getting lost and getting frustrated and feeling alone. I thought of my favorite sushi restaurant and how I'll have to find a new favorite... and what if I can't find one I like? Or what if the people there don't like me, so they don't let me sit at the sushi bar and talk to them like Sut always does?

And my friends... I'm going to miss them so much when I'm away. And then I think something even worse: what if they miss me, but I stop missing them? I doubt it could happen, but what if it did? I'm scared of that.

And lately, the scariest thing of all... I'm not sure I'm good at what I want to do anymore. I feel like I've never been creative in my entire life, and what little talent I have won't be enough for me to get by. What am I good for, then? What can I do?

I'm really so helpless. I can't do anything for myself, even when I try. And I know it's a pride issue and I should suck it up (believe me, I'm trying!), but it feels like I'm a failure when I ask for help.

I don't know. I guess it's normal for me to be freaked out. I just wish it was easier...

However... "I don't think life is quite that simple."